CLAY: Dr. Fauci, the Smurf tyrant, the worst bureaucrat in American history, has crawled out of his bunker. I guess he’s recovered from covid. Despite the fact that he was double covid shotted and double vaxxed — he’s had four covid shots — he still got covid. And he now is wanting everybody to know: Covid’s still not over, guys, and you need to be wearing a mask if you are indoors.

This is Dr. Fauci on CNN. This is not from March of 2020 or May of 2020. It’s from yesterday. Listen.

Fauci: “You really should — in an indoor setting — be wearing masks.” pic.twitter.com/WpKCd3caev

— Arthur Schwartz (@ArthurSchwartz) July 13, 2022

BUCK: (impression) “I hope I continue to appear on TV to tell everybody in the seafoam-green region up here not to be confused with chartreuse over there. We know what to do with our masks in the chartreuse zone, but then when we go more like school bus yellow, we’re thinking two masks, maybe plus face shield. It’s just the logical thing to do.”

CLAY: Has anyone ever used the word “congregate” more than Dr. Fauci? Can we get a “congregate” tally? It’s a word that I’ve almost heard no one use. It feels like every 10th word for Dr. Fauci is “congregate,” and the best Fauci clip I’ve seen lately… I don’t know if you saw this, Buck, but I’m a big Curb Your Enthusiasm fan. And the Curb Your Enthusiasm music, Larry David, came off of Seinfeld. They’ve done like 10 seasons on HBO. The Curb Your Enthusiasm music is incredible.

But every time I hear Fauci speaking now, I think in my head of this video that was shared where Fauci is just kind of rambling on about his symptoms and the different variants and the congregate settings and everything else. And they just start playing that (singing), Curb Your Enthusiasm music. I can’t not think about it now when I hear him talking. We need to play that. For anybody out there who’s a Curb fan, it is such a perfect example of Fauci, where you just basically are tuning him out and he doesn’t even realize he’s being tuned out.

BUCK: Think about this. There’s so many ways that you can just come to the obvious conclusion that Fauci is a fraud and is honestly vile in so many ways. He is supposed to be just about the science, and he wants to stay in this role. And he says this is about saving lives. Right? It’s about saving lives. That’s why he does what he does, and yet he won’t actually subject himself to questions from people who don’t agree with him.

He is an unfireable bureaucrat who appears on TV during covid season when the Democrats want him to every five minutes. He’s like the little Smurf of the CNN greenroom. This guy must live there in a little mushroom. And yet he appears and he’s on TV every five seconds. Why won’t he ever just subject himself…? You know, people say, “Oh, ’cause you guys, for example, would get…” I could be a little irascible with him. I would try to be cool, but it’d be tough.

Ask him real questions, though. What’s the worst thing that could happen? He could always end an interview if somebody’s being truly just disrespectful, but I would really want to ask him questions. I would want to know why he doesn’t tell people that masking up outside is dumb, because I see it all over New York City still, never mind in Asheville, North Carolina. Why won’t he just tell people, “Don’t do that”?

CLAY: It’s a great question — and for people out there who’ve forgotten, we have officially requested Dr. Fauci on this radio program. It’s the biggest radio program in the country. A lot of you listen on podcasts too. We appreciate you. They said that he didn’t have time to do it. He does every other media outlet. He was doing random YouTube shows there for a while with 100 viewers.

BUCK: He was doing podcasts with people who literally live in their parents’ basement and are generally talking about the best way to arrange your petunias. He would do anyone’s show for a while. He will not do the largest — by audience reach — radio show in our time slot in the country. I don’t understand. Well, no. I’m sorry. Scratch that. We all understand why he won’t do it. But how can anyone take this guy seriously when he won’t subject himself to questions?

CLAY: I just love that he says he doesn’t have the time, when we see — to your point — he basically sleeps in the CNN greenroom. He’s on MSNBC anytime they want him to be on, and you know as the fall season progresses the Midterm Variant is coming because they’re going to try to justify — you know this is coming — as much remote voting as they can.

BUCK: They’ll have mail-in voting and all kinds of possible nonsense, and that’s why the Democrats even though Fauci they realize is not the popular, cuddly grandfather during covid that he was made out to be. But I have so many questions that I would want to ask. I would put out this challenge to Fauci. I’ll buy “The Fauch” a steak, all right? We’ll send him to Morton’s in D.C. if he can come on the show and tell me one time in one place in the world where masking up indoors substantially by the data decreased the spread of covid. Show me one place.

CLAY: It doesn’t exist. There’s not a single place that you could point to. L.A. in Orange County, Nashville, Williamson County — the places where they have instituted incredibly Draconian mask policies — compared to places that didn’t have them, virtually identical. Masks don’t work despite the fact that after two years Dr. Fauci is still advocating for it.